its been abt 5 damn mths since my last blog...my secret blog..ha.
mood have started roller-coaster-ing again recently.. i guess its due to a chain of events..
i almost couldnt believe wat i was thinking.. i was secretly hoping deep dwn inside me dat it wil not be true.. though i knw, it eventually will someday.. i should hav share the joy if its positive, dat shld be the correct reaction but i din wanted it to be true. For i knw, i wun be able to accept the concrete fact. I mus be crazy, to hav such thoughts..
u knw wat? curiousity kills the cat.. and im as gd as being killed this instance. It has been confirmed. I knw.. i knw.. it sounded lik the whole thing is happening to me and that i didnt wan to accept the truth, But no. Its not me. Its a joy that i should be sharing wif a gd frd, but..
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
wat do i wan?
its been a mth++..yes, i refrain myself fr writing.. nothing major has happened, except that i had done things which i nv did b4.. lik joining RBKD's 1st bday bash, alone. Lik playing FB during wrk.. lik taking leave whenever i dun feel lik doing wrk... etc. Giving the me last time, such things will nv happened.. ha! but, im tired... physically n mentally.
Especially tiring.. but the weird thing is im mostly either too calm or too agitated...i felt unfair. EB was right..the thing i dread most is when i felt the unfairness! right! very right.
Jus when i was heading back to the office fr site jus nw, every1's direction is totally opposite. Ppl r heading home while im heading back to wrk! Why cant i be heading the same direction lik any1 else??
Am i nt contented? nt appreciative or wat? In some ways, i admit im.. but i hav had enuff! i think tis period is consider too gracious to endure further nonsense! yes. i promise myself no more nonsense... i have been too calm, that, i dun even believe myself ):
EB is leaving nxt yr feb, to do Master overseas. didnt expect tis but ya, its gd for EB. With research based in sg, EB might probably travel back occasionally n thats when i can choose to do my visits. But, nothing is for sure. I dun even think ther r any concrete plans in line. So.... i dun knw.. i felt lost. Nw i regret missing so much of the sessions wif EB.. i dun knw..
im felt lost @ tis very moment. Know wat, i couldnt even really feel myself or understd wat im doing these days. I have lost touch.. wif the real, inner me. Or perhaps, i nv had did before. Ha.
Especially tiring.. but the weird thing is im mostly either too calm or too agitated...i felt unfair. EB was right..the thing i dread most is when i felt the unfairness! right! very right.
Jus when i was heading back to the office fr site jus nw, every1's direction is totally opposite. Ppl r heading home while im heading back to wrk! Why cant i be heading the same direction lik any1 else??
Am i nt contented? nt appreciative or wat? In some ways, i admit im.. but i hav had enuff! i think tis period is consider too gracious to endure further nonsense! yes. i promise myself no more nonsense... i have been too calm, that, i dun even believe myself ):
EB is leaving nxt yr feb, to do Master overseas. didnt expect tis but ya, its gd for EB. With research based in sg, EB might probably travel back occasionally n thats when i can choose to do my visits. But, nothing is for sure. I dun even think ther r any concrete plans in line. So.... i dun knw.. i felt lost. Nw i regret missing so much of the sessions wif EB.. i dun knw..
im felt lost @ tis very moment. Know wat, i couldnt even really feel myself or understd wat im doing these days. I have lost touch.. wif the real, inner me. Or perhaps, i nv had did before. Ha.
Friday, October 30, 2009
@.@
i have been going on the tweet wagon, lik the "SuN" Lol.....
its fun.. im enjoying it.. though im not getting any response fr anyone... i wonder why.....
but im sad... @ the same time.. i have decided that im not gng to HK for her concert afterall... though i really really really wanted to..if only it isnt near the CNY season...Haiz..
it would be stubborn for me if i insist that JS go ahead wif me to the HK concert, even if i am willing to fully sponsor for the air tix, accommodation and concert tix. There would be one's expenses which i will not be able to cover.. knowing that the year end and CNY will be high monetary expenditure period, for JS especially...
i do not want to attend the concert all by myself.. making me look pathetic..i had to gave up the idea though i really yearn for the concert... @.@
its fun.. im enjoying it.. though im not getting any response fr anyone... i wonder why.....
but im sad... @ the same time.. i have decided that im not gng to HK for her concert afterall... though i really really really wanted to..if only it isnt near the CNY season...Haiz..
it would be stubborn for me if i insist that JS go ahead wif me to the HK concert, even if i am willing to fully sponsor for the air tix, accommodation and concert tix. There would be one's expenses which i will not be able to cover.. knowing that the year end and CNY will be high monetary expenditure period, for JS especially...
i do not want to attend the concert all by myself.. making me look pathetic..i had to gave up the idea though i really yearn for the concert... @.@
Monday, October 12, 2009
HoWDy!!
howdy! its been more den 2 weeks since i last blog....work was bz... hectic, as usual. yeh, its nothing new i know.
should i go to HK nxt Feb? Im tempted, very very tempted, actually. I intended to go back there, some day, after my last trip there in June tis year..I have got regrets. I did not visit Disney HK (though feedbacks abt there were mostly no good). I did not manage to get any satisfying buyings from Adidas HK. I did not manage to eat roast goose. I did not manage to get new shoes/heels/boots....etc.
All in all, its a place that made me felt comfortable. Not
only because of the food and language, i guess.
But this time is for a different reason... The long awaited....
Mainly...I wanted/ needed a break.. but can i afford to??
should i go to HK nxt Feb? Im tempted, very very tempted, actually. I intended to go back there, some day, after my last trip there in June tis year..I have got regrets. I did not visit Disney HK (though feedbacks abt there were mostly no good). I did not manage to get any satisfying buyings from Adidas HK. I did not manage to eat roast goose. I did not manage to get new shoes/heels/boots....etc.
All in all, its a place that made me felt comfortable. Not
only because of the food and language, i guess.But this time is for a different reason... The long awaited....
Mainly...I wanted/ needed a break.. but can i afford to??
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
230909
it is now day 3 since sunday... SL has left for Japan 2 days ago... manage to spoke to SL on MSN these 2 nites.. somehw, it would be right to share the happiness...but i couldnt felt what it SHOULD have been..
was kinda lost since sunday.. went to XF place @ tampines, where WY had stayed overnite..had dinner @ siglap...it was a good meet-up.. @ least, made me felt better..so i conclude dat it was good ya?
recently XF began asking me funny qns, which sometimes i cant handle.ha. XF was pretty sure i still had feelings for WY, despite after so many years...and XF thinks i am able to accept it cos 她自己人也不错。。哈哈。。 oh my, is dat true?? haha..
my nxt appt wif EB is in 2wks time..am i going to run away again time? there is nv luck to "happen" to see EB on the road, no matter which part of sgh im @ or when im @ the east of sg (which EB stays). Disappointed? yea, i guess i am, sort of, to a certain point.. n im pretty sure things btw us will remain the same, irregardless of whether im still following up @ the clinic..
my mind is blank.. my mind is also messy.. so who can tel me wat isit?
was kinda lost since sunday.. went to XF place @ tampines, where WY had stayed overnite..had dinner @ siglap...it was a good meet-up.. @ least, made me felt better..so i conclude dat it was good ya?
recently XF began asking me funny qns, which sometimes i cant handle.ha. XF was pretty sure i still had feelings for WY, despite after so many years...and XF thinks i am able to accept it cos 她自己人也不错。。哈哈。。 oh my, is dat true?? haha..
my nxt appt wif EB is in 2wks time..am i going to run away again time? there is nv luck to "happen" to see EB on the road, no matter which part of sgh im @ or when im @ the east of sg (which EB stays). Disappointed? yea, i guess i am, sort of, to a certain point.. n im pretty sure things btw us will remain the same, irregardless of whether im still following up @ the clinic..
my mind is blank.. my mind is also messy.. so who can tel me wat isit?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Sept
It doesnt seem lik a good month to start off with.. and yes! its damn disgusting dat it is now oledi Sept!!! Omg...
Actually im pretty worried @ tis moment...WY jus had a pinhole surgery.. everything shld be fine and XF is ther taking care.. ther's nothing pretty much i can do @ tis point of time even if im ther.. but stil i cant help to worry. this is probably WY's 1st hospitalization and surgery (though a small one)...i have been popping by the hospital every nite after wrk these few days.. its tiring, no doubt. But i knw hw horrible the feeling is, to be hospitalize and helplessly waiting for some help to come along. Its frustrating when u knw u cant control ur own body even.. yeah, dat feeling simply sucks!
no. 2
for a moment, i tot i shld be happy for SL to be able to go the plc long yearn for, finally. It was probably in plan anyway, jus brought forward earlier by chance (didnt knw it thro' word of mouth but was almost 100% sure dat it is happening from the situation i notice). it didnt feel gd. In fact, i think im a bad person, to be secretly, hoping that the plan will not wrk out @ all. Wat am i thinking? Am i mad?? My weird behavior is cmg bck.. dun ask me why cos i dun even hav dat ans for myself.. i DONT LIK IT.
no.3
was surprise to find CLP on fb. Surprisingly, i nv expect that CLP wil ever join fb.. saw the wedding photos as well... ok, i wun say im surprised cos i sort of expected it as i saw CLP with kid b4 @ jp. Saw the photos and spoted some old frds who also attended CLP's wedding... for a moment, i was happy, to have my frd request accepted, but den i realise the request was deleted soon after.. i guess the requested was accpeted cos CLP problably wanted to check it out who is this person who sent the request. And upon realising it was me, i think CLP immediately deleted the acceptance.... i was upset. y is CLP stil doing this to me after so many yrs of sudden boycotting?? i do not understd and i will nv hav the chance to knw the reason either..WHY? its unfair ok!!!!! i have long ago gav up and forgotton, i tot.. but it doesnt seem true nw dat im actually affected by dat fact. What the hell did i do wrong?
no.4 (and the only gd thing)
had a gut feeling dat ther could be a new post so i tired to access yz's blog. and true enuff, the new post was up, jus 2day! Lucky me.. to have found something dat could @ least peak up my mood for 5-10%. Ha!
Actually im pretty worried @ tis moment...WY jus had a pinhole surgery.. everything shld be fine and XF is ther taking care.. ther's nothing pretty much i can do @ tis point of time even if im ther.. but stil i cant help to worry. this is probably WY's 1st hospitalization and surgery (though a small one)...i have been popping by the hospital every nite after wrk these few days.. its tiring, no doubt. But i knw hw horrible the feeling is, to be hospitalize and helplessly waiting for some help to come along. Its frustrating when u knw u cant control ur own body even.. yeah, dat feeling simply sucks!
no. 2
for a moment, i tot i shld be happy for SL to be able to go the plc long yearn for, finally. It was probably in plan anyway, jus brought forward earlier by chance (didnt knw it thro' word of mouth but was almost 100% sure dat it is happening from the situation i notice). it didnt feel gd. In fact, i think im a bad person, to be secretly, hoping that the plan will not wrk out @ all. Wat am i thinking? Am i mad?? My weird behavior is cmg bck.. dun ask me why cos i dun even hav dat ans for myself.. i DONT LIK IT.
no.3was surprise to find CLP on fb. Surprisingly, i nv expect that CLP wil ever join fb.. saw the wedding photos as well... ok, i wun say im surprised cos i sort of expected it as i saw CLP with kid b4 @ jp. Saw the photos and spoted some old frds who also attended CLP's wedding... for a moment, i was happy, to have my frd request accepted, but den i realise the request was deleted soon after.. i guess the requested was accpeted cos CLP problably wanted to check it out who is this person who sent the request. And upon realising it was me, i think CLP immediately deleted the acceptance.... i was upset. y is CLP stil doing this to me after so many yrs of sudden boycotting?? i do not understd and i will nv hav the chance to knw the reason either..WHY? its unfair ok!!!!! i have long ago gav up and forgotton, i tot.. but it doesnt seem true nw dat im actually affected by dat fact. What the hell did i do wrong?
no.4 (and the only gd thing)
had a gut feeling dat ther could be a new post so i tired to access yz's blog. and true enuff, the new post was up, jus 2day! Lucky me.. to have found something dat could @ least peak up my mood for 5-10%. Ha!
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