wat do i wan?

its been a mth++..yes, i refrain myself fr writing.. nothing major has happened, except that i had done things which i nv did b4.. lik joining RBKD's 1st bday bash, alone. Lik playing FB during wrk.. lik taking leave whenever i dun feel lik doing wrk... etc. Giving the me last time, such things will nv happened.. ha! but, im tired... physically n mentally.

Especially tiring.. but the weird thing is im mostly either too calm or too agitated...i felt unfair. EB was right..the thing i dread most is when i felt the unfairness! right! very right.

Jus when i was heading back to the office fr site jus nw, every1's direction is totally opposite. Ppl r heading home while im heading back to wrk! Why cant i be heading the same direction lik any1 else??

Am i nt contented? nt appreciative or wat? In some ways, i admit im.. but i hav had enuff! i think tis period is consider too gracious to endure further nonsense! yes. i promise myself no more nonsense... i have been too calm, that, i dun even believe myself ):

EB is leaving nxt yr feb, to do Master overseas. didnt expect tis but ya, its gd for EB. With research based in sg, EB might probably travel back occasionally n thats when i can choose to do my visits. But, nothing is for sure. I dun even think ther r any concrete plans in line. So.... i dun knw.. i felt lost. Nw i regret missing so much of the sessions wif EB.. i dun knw..

im felt lost @ tis very moment. Know wat, i couldnt even really feel myself or understd wat im doing these days. I have lost touch.. wif the real, inner me. Or perhaps, i nv had did before. Ha.